I always have kind of felt that some of my depression is because of the part of me I have had to "kill" to be safe. All the reams I never followed because "it will never work out", all the places I have never gone because "Going alone would never work." All the energy I lost being afraid anticipating the worst "to be prepared" and finding out that even if what I expected happened, it still hurt as much as it would have if I had anticipated something more positive. Worse, I would have been disappointed if I had been more positive, but I wouldn't have spent days or months being disappointed ahead of time Sort of like the brave man dies but once, but the coward dies a hundred times. (Not to say anyone here is a coward!) Huuggggssss!