lonegael -

yes, you're right. i've got my bases covered with family, and with a coworker who knows to either call mental health or make me call if i get too funky, but i didn't have anything set up with my weekend/off hours contacts. sigh. so i'm giving several of them an index card of how to reach the off-hours crisis worker so they can get direction if they feel it's necessary. this one peaked on sunday morning & the people i was with didn't know what to do. naturally i told them i didn't need to call the doctor (who wouldn't have been available anyway) & that i didn't need to go to the hospital (in hindsight i probably did, at least to be evaluated).

i hate having to make other people responsible for me when i cannot be responsible for myself. it's not fair to them - it's a burden i loathe to put on them. i hate it so much that it makes me not share with people how bad things really are. it also makes me feel even more suicidal when i am that way because i don't want to dump it on them. i feel terrible for my parents, in their early 70's, who certainly didn't sign up to have to deal with a 46-year-old bipolar daughter. & what am i going to do when they are gone (or can't handle it anymore) & i am all alone?

any thoughts or suggestions?
sigh again.