First Id like to say for you to speak about this so clearly and strongly I have total respect for you and you have money, family, a job and that is great but you are looking for something more? Maybe a purpose in life? A reason to breath everyday that makes sense for you to *really* be here? Maybe not and maybe Im slow and dont understand but for you to post this.. You made my day a whole lot more!! and for just that Id like to thank you.

I have thoughts not of sucide, that is the farthest thing from my mind being that one of my OCD traits is fear of dying and I always think..when? when? why? how? will anyone care? but if I ask those questions or let on that I have those thoughts, It will come true and I will die. I have neverfelt that calmness in my life, my mother always says you grow into your fears and when you get older you dont fear getting older.. Well I do NOT understand how someone can feel that way, or when people say Im ready to die or I know I will die we were all born to die, my brain screams DONT SAY THAT! (that would be a control issue of the OCD too ) but not to ramble anymore and confuse anyone longer, I just wanted to say that you talking this way with such calmness, I wish to be like that someday where the worry is gone.
Remember there is a reason you are here that has nothing to do with money, status or family.... Something or Someone needs you.

Take Care and Sorry if this makes no sense to anyone.
*my head spews and I cant control it sometimes*