hi to all, you have to have seen this issue before, it's most likely performance anxiety. i'm 25 and gay, and have had issues for years with trust, intimacy, even physical touch. i should mention that i have asperger's and carry a whole crapload of anxiety with me on a daily basis, my fear of people affects me on every level: family, friends, jobs, sex life, etc. everyone knows most of this but what they don't know is that it's been impacting my ability to perform when in typical sexual situations. it's no exaggeration to say that sex is usually very stressful, there's little pleasure even when it's my fricking fantasy come to life, just too much i-need-to-get-the-hell-out-of-here going through my head, even with close partners. my general attitude has been to get aroused, fool around a little, get serious, lose interest/freak out, and if i try to keep going i fail to perform. when i say freak out sometimes it's the whoooole deal with the panic attacks and such (usually if i try to have sex too soon for my comfort). i can masturbate, i even get aroused when fooling around at first before it gets pulled out, so i have a hunch that whatever's wrong, it's in my head, not physical. i've only now begun to seek out serious advice- i think it's the anxiety, it runs deep. my relationship with the last guy i was with lasted 2 1/2 years and while i made more progress with him than i've ever made before, i never achieved orgasm with him. he had his own troubled past and was very patient and understanding with my issues, a couple of other guys before him weren't so understanding. even though i cared about him i wasn't even able to maintain a decent erection with him for the first three months after we met, due to constant anxiety-related problems. three months seems like plenty of time to get to know him and feel comfortable enough to be sexual, not to mention i was very attracted to him. still, same old issues even with strong desire.

this crap has been going on for over a decade, it was even there during my first sexual encounter involving a friend giving me oral (but not when i was discovering touching and making out with him before that), sometimes not so bad, but now it's worse than ever. i'm single and it's pretty difficult to meet guys with a disappointing secret like this looming over my shoulder. i'd like to think that given enough time, this issue solves itself as i become more comfortable, unfortunately based on experience it takes way too long if left to its own schedule. as of yesterday i decided to take any action to make progress, i'll be calling a therapist or psychologist tomorrow, i'm doing my reading on all of this, and i ended up here. thanks for your time.