I just need to let some of my thoughts out.
POSSIBLY TRIGGERING
SPOILERS for New Moon and Twilight books/movies

I watched New Moon today. I'm kind of glad I did and kind of regret it. I really enjoyed the books but they mess with my head so badly. The need the author describes so perfectly between Bella and Edward are exactly how I feel about SI and it's hard because no one seems to get that. I haven't cut in four years but I want to almost every single day. I crave the blood to the point I can taste it and start to drool. In New Moon Bella starts doing reckless things just so she can hear Edward and see him in her head. Do you ever break something by accident and then want to walk over to it bare foot to clean it up? It's like you know it's probably going to hurt but you want to do it anyway just to feel it again. Everynow and then I feel this urge to do something stupid, just to have the chance of feeling it, seeing it again. I miss it so so much right now. The movie makes me fee not so alone in this sense.... but it makes the feelings stronger or at least more aparent and at the front of my mind. I don't know. It's just really hard to handle right now.