I brought my dx to therapy. I read a lot of psychology books, always have, and suggested that this diagnosis fit, did she agree. She did and had been thinking it for some time. She doesn't think the name is so important, as it is just a term to describe the difficulties we have in dealing with things. She told me to not get too wrapped up in the diagnosis. What's important is what I experience.

In my opinion, BPD isn't something we 'have', but it is a way of describing how we relate to others, to certain situations, it's about our perception of ourselves and others, the fears we have, and how all these things make life so intensely chaotic. It is about who we are, what kind of person we developed into being. We go to therapy, we continue developing, and our lives feel much better because of the growth and relief and the new perceptions that we gain through therapy.

The diagnosis put me on the map. "You are here: X " I knew I was lost. But the diagnosis gave me an idea about being lost. Being lost and knowing you are in California but want to be in New York is more helpful than being lost and not knowing where you are, besides that you are not in New York... if that comparison makes sense.

We didn't spend but a few minutes on the diagnosis. I asked if she thought it applied, she said she did and then said why she didn't mention it to me (the therapist right before her had announced abruptly that I had and obsessive disorder and that really bothered me that she was so blunt. So my current T didn't want to do that, and didn't think putting a name on my difficulties was important for me). We talked about it a bit, I came back to it next session to tell her that there was something relieving about it. I think mostly because the diagnoses of depression and/or anxiety just never seemed to fully fit the way I felt. The intensity I experienced seemed to indicate it was something more, but I had no idea what.

I read "get me out of here" by rachel riland and other books about BPD and books about attachment and books about early childhood development. Those helped me get a better perspective.