Little update... Yesterday I talked on and off with him all day.... felt fantasic while we are talking but NOT GOOD later in the evening..
Today i actually emiled him and told him EXACTLY hw I was feeling... That I hated what he had done, that he should have tried harder to save our relationship, that most people get 'crushes' on people even when they are in a relationship..at least I have but I stayed away from the person and when home to the one I loved and tried harder to make everything perfect.
That I can't believe that he has done this to me and that he doesn't deserve to be happy with her when I'm struggling to just put one foot in front of the other...
Called it "my little rant" and that's what it was. Sick to death of 'playing' friends and putting on a good face and accepting everything.
He rang about 1 minute after I sent te email.. I rejected the call....so he txt "can we talk".. I wasn't going to reply but guess I felt guilty or something because about an hour later I text back "no we can't at the moment"..He sent back "okay when ever you are ready. I just wanted to see how you were doing, it wasn't about anthing specific"
I felt strong..was on the way to the doctors to talk about antidepressants..
He has put me on Lexapro...
The other change I am making is to not contact Mark. As good as it feels when we are talking he's still going back to MY house and sleeping with his new 'LOVE' (vomit!) and doesn't deserve to have anything to do with me or deserve to know anything about me anymore...

I was a wreck today.. and tomorrow the same thing will probably happen but at least I know that I can do what I want.. am making my own decisions...and it feels good.