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Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Rather not say
Posts: 182
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Dec 09, 2009 at 01:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamseeker9
I'm in the worst mood today. The weather outside is nasty, I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm having cramps, and I want answers from T!  Maybe this mood is okay for this evening's session, it might serve me well. |
I think it's great that you've found support here for your journey. I don't, though, think it's necessarily great that you've received the personal touch from T. From my perspective it seems that you've focused so much on the physical aspect of being touched by her. The reality is that T cannot fill that void/longing, yet you keep insisting on her physical touch, and, it seems, in greater amounts each time: first it was a hug, then sitting on the couch, then being held, etc. She gives this to you, and now you're ready to go in and rip her one for not being in tune with you. This may very well hurt her feelings since she's extended herself way beyond the usual boundaries of therapy. (And I know folks will say we don't have to worry about our Ts' feelings, but I do worry about how my reactions in my sessions may hurt my own T. It doesn't overwhelm me to the point of not saying what I need to, but I say stuff with her feelings in mind as well.)
I'm concerned for you because there may very well come a moment when your T will say, "I can't keep giving that to you." What will your plan be, then? To rip her one for not continuing to touch you? The hard work is grieving for your lost childhood (understanding that what you didn't get cannot be obtained elsewhere) and facing its present-day effects.
My final thought is that your T, I believe, is incorrect in saying that you can fill this need with a partner. Nothing can fill the void of not getting what you needed in childhood other than finding a way to fill it internally. That is the ultimate outcome in therapy, in my opinion, because, indeed, that is the final healing.
Hope you're not too hard on your T today and hope others are not too hard on me for expressing this.
Peace,
writing
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