Quote:
Originally Posted by writingwithink
I think it's great that you've found support here for your journey. I don't, though, think it's necessarily great that you've received the personal touch from T. From my perspective it seems that you've focused so much on the physical aspect of being touched by her. The reality is that T cannot fill that void/longing, yet you keep insisting on her physical touch, and, it seems, in greater amounts each time: first it was a hug, then sitting on the couch, then being held, etc. She gives this to you, and now you're ready to go in and rip her one for not being in tune with you. This may very well hurt her feelings since she's extended herself way beyond the usual boundaries of therapy. (And I know folks will say we don't have to worry about our Ts' feelings, but I do worry about how my reactions in my sessions may hurt my own T. It doesn't overwhelm me to the point of not saying what I need to, but I say stuff with her feelings in mind as well.)
I'm concerned for you because there may very well come a moment when your T will say, "I can't keep giving that to you." What will your plan be, then? To rip her one for not continuing to touch you? The hard work is grieving for your lost childhood (understanding that what you didn't get cannot be obtained elsewhere) and facing its present-day effects.
My final thought is that your T, I believe, is incorrect in saying that you can fill this need with a partner. Nothing can fill the void of not getting what you needed in childhood other than finding a way to fill it internally. That is the ultimate outcome in therapy, in my opinion, because, indeed, that is the final healing.
Hope you're not too hard on your T today and hope others are not too hard on me for expressing this.
Peace,
writing
|
(deep breaths)
writing, I don't think it's your place to judge what goes on between me and my T. You're not in that room with us. Only my T and I can judge what will help me heal, and only my T and I can set our own boundaries.
I am certainly not going to "go in and rip her one" today. One of my issues is that I have trouble even expressing anger. Am I angry with T? Yes. Why? Because she pushed me on an issue that I wasn't ready to deal with, instead of helping me bring closure to the main issue discussed on Monday. I deserve to know why she changed course in the middle of the session, especially since at the end of the session T told me out of the blue that she'd let me down and that she'd steered us wrong a few times in that session. I see nothing wrong with me asking T to clarify those statements, and I am quite capable of doing it without being too hard on her.
I would never intentionally hurt my T's feelings. I care about my T, and I treat her with respect. T has asked me to tell her when she says or does something I don't understand or I don't like - we've worked through all these issues, and our relationship has grown stronger as a result of that. I am able to express myself to T while keeping her feelings in mind. In fact, T has told me that I consider her feelings too much sometimes, much like I had to always consider my mother's feelings growing up - T has tried to get me away from that behavior.
One of the pitfalls of posting about our sessions is that we can't possibly capture everything said in that session, so it is easy for others to make assumptions or judgements based on what they read, as you have done. The conversation T and I had about the sadness or longing went deeper than T just saying that it could be filled by a partner.
Of course we talked about me being the one to fill it! T and I have also talked about what will happen if I ask for something that T doesn't feel is appropriate, so I am prepared for that to happen, though I don't plan on asking T for anything more than I've already received.