Jexa, thank you so much. T told me tonight that even though she sees that I'm a strong woman, she also sees me as vulnerable and fragile - this really surprised me, I've always taken such care to make sure no one thinks of me that way - I consider it a bad thing, but T thinks it's good, she said she sees me this way because of how open I am with her.

It was a terrific session, I expressed my feelings and got all my questions answered, and T offered to me how she was feeling. What was fascinating was that where I felt T had let me down was not the same as where she thought she'd let me down. Before I released all that sadness on Monday, T and I were talking - she interrupted me at one point, just as I was about to let loose and cry. It didn't bother me, though - she even apologized, and I laughed! But it really bothered her, it stuck with her. And then when I was crying and she was comforting me, she didn't really say anything except make sympathetic noises, and I was totally fine with that. But T said that's when she felt at a loss for words, that she felt like she let me down by not saying something soothing to me then. She was surprised and glad to hear that I considered it such a healing and positive experience. I asked her why she focused on the negatives at the end of the session and not the positives, and how I thought maybe it was because she didn't feel our connection - but T said she did feel the connection, and if anything, she felt like she didn't comfort me enough!

I told T that I didn't like the direction the session had taken, she said she'd made a mistake but was trying to get me to open up more and get past some of my self-loathing and see that I'm ready to love if that's what I really want. I will write more about this in response to Blue's post below.

Thanks for the support, my PC friends - it really does mean a lot!