I hate this!!! i hate this! Why cant i forgive my self for hurting him. Why cant I? The shame, the guilt, the sorrow...... it is killing me!!!!

For so long I was so confused as to who I was. I was someone that my abuser made me into.... I have taken control over that, but the pain of hurting my husband is almost too much!!!!! He still struggles with the why's. He still wants answers.... the ones i give him don't make sense to him..... they do to me... but not to him....

ARRGGGGHHHHHH