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Hearty · Dec 10, 2009, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneMurphy

I'm sorry hun. <3
From what you've told, with out knowing any other circumstances, his behavior seems very typical of someone who abuses, and not just jealousy. Even without the presence of physical abuse, what he was doing to you was emotional/psychological abuse (name-calling, degrading names, and especially the spitting incident). Emotional/psychological abuse is just as bad, and possibly even worse (depending on the perspective [emotional scaring can last longer than physical scaring, etc.]) than physical abuse. The problem is that abusers always say that they didn't mean to do what they did ('sometimes, I just get so angry, I can't help it' or 'I can't stand the though of your men clients looking at you, and I don't know what else to do', you get the idea) and always make the promise that it will never happen again, and a majority of the time, make you think that they're the victim and make you feel sorry for them, so then you take them back. Afterward, everything seems absolutely wonderful, as if you can't believe that someone that wonderful could ever hurt you in any way, and that it must have been just a fluke. Soon enough, it goes back to what it was before, repeating the cycle once again. A majority of the time, the next incident gets worse than the previous one.

Let him go. Therapy could very well be a stint to make you think that he's trying to change, but it more than likely won't last long, you'll take him back, and then the cycle will repeat once again. This in not solely a jealousy issue. Please, please, just let him go. What you described, like I said, without knowing any of the other circumstances, is very typical sounding of an abuser. No one can tell you what you should do, but I can still advise you against trying to start things back up with him.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation, no matter what you choose.

I completely agree with Roxanne - it's not just jealousy...he is abusive. Degradation of name calling, saying cruel things,
spitting at you, etc. which is terribly abusive - can also rapidly escalate to physical abuse.

I've been in a similar situation where I had a tough time ending an abusive relationship, but in the end I was able to moved on.
What scared me more than being alone was being with an abusive person without my self-respect. (Which I found slowly chipping away.)
I left while my self-respect was still somewhat intact, and found people who valued and treated me with respect.

It's easier to leave earlier before things get worse...before he really wears you down.

Please be careful and take care of yourself.