it's so bad i almost don't want to live (not a sui threat, going to stay here with my boys). it's just to look inside and let myself see the disgusting, dirty, gross, fat, ugly, unacceptable, repulsive, unworthy, unwanted, untouchable person that i really am is so painful. and sickening. i almost can't stand it.

i don't know how to get thru this

i know that there are bad times in therapy and when we go through them the good times in the middle are even better. the times in themiddle lately have been great - ive felt closer to god, and my friends, and my H,and my self. what i would wnat life to be liek.

but the bad times are too dark adn i dn't know how to get out. t said keep crawling.