I'm going through similar feelings right now, and I'm sorry you're hurting so much, tree.
I'll share with you what my T said to me, when I said I don't know how I'm going to get through this. She said, you ARE getting through it. This is how you do it. You're doing it, and you're doing it just right.

I've also been overwhelmed in the last few days with feelings of shame & self-hatred. It's almost startling to me when I come here and find that someone else has posted something that mirrors so closely what I've been feeling & struggling with at the same time. It reinforces for me the idea that we really can help each other through these things.