{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tomi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Ty for the hug and for responding.

I'll have to remember to try drinking more water next time and see if that makes it work faster. I've tried two Tylenol PMs and that's definitely an overdose for me. Instead of making me sleep, it makes me aggitated. I feel my heart racing and even skipping and was afraid I would stop breathing. Maybe it triggered a panic attack, which is not normally something I get.

I am very skilled at hiding how I'm feeling. I had to be with my family - they were so unaccepting of emotions. The day before my incident last February, I taught the lesson in church, and I didn't know how I got through it, but everyone said I gave a good lesson, etc. The day of the incident I was so calm. I worked hard cleaning up the house (had to do something - I was really aggitated, but didn't show it) and my husband thought I was handling things really well. That was the day I had to appear in court about hitting that car in the parking lot before Christmas. I knew something was going to happen. I was saving up pills and had been planning to take them with me and overdose there, but all the pill bottles were too loud so I left them home. I wore a long-sleeved jacket with sleeves too tight to push up so that I couldn't rip at my arms, and was careful not to have any sharp things (but can't leave my fingernails at home). My face wasn't covered though, so that was what I shredded, and my leg, and also tried to break my arms and legs by slamming them in the truck door. But up until the point where I lost it, I looked like I was doing just fine. I know I shouldn't post this. It was 8 months ago though (and two days).

I'm really doing much better today than yesterday. Today was spinning guild, so I got out of the house and around people, and have been taking a break from studying. No more tests for about a week and a half.

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>