I can't live in reality.

I never have.

I want to.

I hide in the computer.

I get SUCKED into despair at the apartment and the work that must be done to clean it.

I'm held down by this place.

I'm SICK OF THIS.

Even when I get out to be with friends it makes me TIRED. Why am I so TIRED? Why does it exhaust me so much?

Why can't I just clean the kitchen and bake? Why does the dirtiness destroy me?

why am I such a loser?