please forgive me...i'd usually have good grammar but atm im just not in the mood..

i feel so horrible.
apparently i've ruined my sisters self confidence, and she has none now. everything i do leads to another horrible thing.
i feel like the spawn of the devil.

and, me hurting my sisters confidence is no help to me. my confidence has been hurt so bad, i hate the fact that im actually taking it out on here, and my moms.

i talk to them both terrible. i dont mean anything i say, but it just comes out of anger.

i may go live with my dad. there was an argument tonight and my rabbit was threatened to go live in the cold, dark basement.
i said i'd go myself too, if she was going there too.

the argument in the first place was my fault.

i wont lie, i call my sister names alot. but she does it too, and she just never gets 'caught' so to say =/

i dont even bother arguing about that anymore.

i dont think anyone has realized what stress has been put on me.

when my mom was coming off methadone, *I* was there to help her. cook for her. and make her feel better.

and now i worry about her going to get medicine, like xanax or vicodin, from her old 'drug' friends.

we live in a bad area, and it scares me.
and to think that of all this, i manage to keep all a's and one b's in my classes...

as some [very few] ppl know, i used to cut myself because i felt so ugly and bad about myself last year.

i dont want to go through that again..

my apologies will help for a few days to everyone, but then ill just get angry and take it out on someone.

i dont know how to find a therapist. no one in my family knows ive ever cut myself. only 2 best friends.

i feel like now whenever i apologize for something ive done, it doesnt matter. itll just go to waste soon.

and now that nothing much bothers me, my rabbit is the only thing that can be used. i love her and if im told she'll be taken to a shelter, i get mad.

im sorry about this. i just had to let it out