Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
it's so bad i almost don't want to live (not a sui threat, going to stay here with my boys). it's just to look inside and let myself see the disgusting, dirty, gross, fat, ugly, unacceptable, repulsive, unworthy, unwanted, untouchable person that i really am is so painful. and sickening. i almost can't stand it.
i don't know how to get thru this
i know that there are bad times in therapy and when we go through them the good times in the middle are even better. the times in themiddle lately have been great - ive felt closer to god, and my friends, and my H,and my self. what i would wnat life to be liek.
but the bad times are too dark adn i dn't know how to get out. t said keep crawling.
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These are old old feelings that do not belong to you. I think they come from a deeply held belief that we hold that dictates "if we were just perfect, none of this would have happened to us". As children we used it as a way to assume control of our lives - "Well, I must be causing it in someway". For some, it was the only control we had.
I remember my therapist very very forcefully saying to me one day "That shame does not belong to you and you don't have to carry it". He was so adamant about it. His words helped me to begin to replace that old old tape that just played in my head over over and again.
So as loudly as I possibly can "THAT SHAME DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CARRY IT"
Try to remember that when something hits that play button in your head that "THAT SHAME DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CARRY IT".
It's hard, and crawling is one way out of the hole, but you deserve to stand up, head held high and walk right out of it.
Peace to you.