Kasva, safe hugs to you! It sounds like you have been through a very difficult time. we understand that - really we do. we can not undo the past things we say or do. But we can learn internally from them and grow. It takes a lot of work for those of us who where so hurt as children to learn our own filters. I also tend to be hypersensitive to conversations. That is a part of PTSD. When a person is always on alert as a child, they learn the skill of listening with all senses so we don't get hurt. That act of always being on guard makes us react to things that we later might realize were not a danger.

PC is a great place to practice those honing those listening skills. I have many times typed up a reply and then counted to 10 before sending it. And many times I just hit backspace rather than enter. Which is a lot safer than in speaking when we really can't hit backspace.

Just learn from what happened and move forward with grace. Big safe hugs to you!