I think I realize what was going on now. I can't help but feel a little disoriented. I re-read what I wrote above and in some other posts and it is awfully lofty.

I feel like it was a different person writing, but at the same time I know it was me and I feel a little embarrassed. At the same time, I can't help but wonder if what I felt was true.

Maybe I rushed toward it too quickly, or told too many people about it or tried too hard to be aware.

Now I'm just confused.