I see my T tonight and I am kind of scared. I cut off all my hair this week. My hair was pretty long, almost halfway down my back, and now it is all gone. I had my hair cut into a pixie cut. It's hard to explain why I did that.. I didn't tell her I was planning to do that (nor was I planning on it -- it was on impulse). I don't want to talk about why because it's going to take out the magic. Does that make sense?

Also I have been feeling very awake and aware these past two days, and I don't want to talk about that, either, because I'm afraid I'll jinx it if I try to explain it.. Again I feel like words are going to take out the magic, like this state of mind is so fragile it won't hold up under the scrutiny of language.

I don't know what I'm going to say in session tonight, and she's going to want to know so much. I've never felt this way before a session.. I always have something I want to talk about.. but what's going on right now doesn't have a strong enough foundation for words. Does anyone know what I mean?