Trust me, I do understand it's something to constantly live with a time line: I have that with each 1st of the month (injury occurred) and other anniversary dates... and the thought of another year or 1/2 year seems always TOO MUCH! I have always believed that keeping this "option" open allowed me to continue to try and live. My T has another perspective: that there's no way I can learn to live with keeping this option wide open.

I was/am angry at him for not understanding.. yet, what if he is right and I have not tried his perspective? So while it's not a quick fix (because I have no idea how to live without knowing I can suicide at any moment) I'm trying to follow his lead in what else there might be. Meanwhile, I still suffer... the physical pain, the emotional frustration, the psychological inabilities...