Hello sweet one
It is not your fault and never has been......
The dark hole sounds good because it is confronting to realise that it is not your fault......and you wish to hide
As it was for me.......to realise that I had blamed myself for so long......when I didn't need to......
Would it help if I told you, this feeling is a good thing? That this horrible feeling is the start to healing? You have taken a massive step......in true realisation......and taking the power back!
You are not to blame, it was not your fault, you DID NOT ask for it.......now it is time to embrace it.......and love yourself.


Keep going babe.......you are very brave, dear one


Michah