something else today also...we were talking about something that I know I need to mourn badly but I said ... I know I need to mourn this, but as painful as it is, i feel also that I dont want to loose this particular thing and I don't understand why? T said because this wound is so much at the core of you that your entire being is built on it and you feel if that goes then whats left? yes and yes, thats it exactly, I feel if I grief and mourn and work through this issue then I'd be like the hole in the doughnut...perhaps this is also part of an unconscious desire to remain stuck becuase recovery feels like I will disappear...talking about this today though has given me some peace in this respect...

sorry bout spelling and graphics i'm typing on the smallest lap top known to man lol