I wish I had some wisdom or advice for you. I know that I live near a psych ER, and you don't have to be sent there, you can just go there yourself. I think most of them should be that way. I've had times where I should have gone, but I didn't want to be hospitalized (which probably wouldn't have happened) and I didn't want to go there and be told there was nothing wrong with me. From what I've read, if you feel like you should go, you should go.

I hope you've made some progress. Real friends won't be scared off when you reveal how things really are.