I'm sorry

I'm in such a crappy place. I don't know what to do. I'm grasping, and I don't know if I am making mistakes.

I have physical symptoms AGAIN, after spending September and October so sick. That scares me. Whenever we get deep deep in the CSA stuff, the physical stuff starts.

I've e-mailed with T AND talked to him on the phone today. I feel like that's it, I don't get any more T until my next appt (tues). He didn't say that, but I understand that there are limits.

I TOLD MY H ABOUT THE CSA. And a friend. Both. Todsay. I HAVDE NEVER TODL ANYEON IN REALLIFE ABOU TIT EVER.

im scared

I didnt know what else to do

i feel dirty and exposedand scared

And i e-mailed old teacher t to see if shecould help. anyone who was here last winter knows that is crazy, but i don'tknow. i know she is so good with energy work

i'm scared, and crying, and lonely and trying so hard not to wall off and to reach out, but i don't know ifi'mdoing the right thing reaching out or making big mistakes
someone please tell me what to do