When I started to come out of this last bout of depression, I noticed a huge difference in me....the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair are still there...but I am fighting them. Perhaps even repressing them.

But the change is.....

I've been doing things TOTALLY out of the norm for me. I am pretty much a fearful person....I am not a risk taker. And lately, I've been taking way more risks than I ever have. At first, I thought it was a healthy change....like I am facing my fears...

Some examples...

I hate scary movies....I don't watch Ghost Hunters or anything of the like....Yet, recently, I went on two different paranormal investigations - one being a 2 day stay at a haunted mansion that was televised on Ghost Hunters.

I don't like the ocean. I am scared to death of sharks. I've even said in the past that I wouldn't go in a pool that had a goldfish in it...and now I am planning to do a shark dive at my local aquarium!

I haven't been on roller skates in over 20 years...and each time my daughter has asked me to skate, I refused...Yesterday, at her school skating party, I skated!! Backwards even!

What is happening to me? Part of me feels as though I am confronting fears and feeling the adrenaline rush, to distract me from my misery.

...And then there's perhaps the less healthy, more impulsive....

Like opening a bottle of wine for the first time in a couple years...

Considering getting a tattoo...WANTING to feel the needles and savoring the pain that comes with it...

Is this an issue I should raise with T? Have any of you gone through this? I don't know what's happening to me!?!??!

As an aside, the other day, I was taking a turn....and a huge truck was turning towards me extremely quickly...and it seemed as though I was going to be in a severe accident. I saw the truck coming head-on...and all I felt was intense RAGE....thinking to myself, "GO AHEAD, HIT ME! I DARE YOU!!!"