You are all so nice. It feels impossible to make it through this. But I will.

Thanks for the reminders to be gentle with me. In the past, if I felt even REMOTELY like this, I would cut or binge/purge or drink or take pills or do WHATEVER IT TOOK to change how I felt. Tonight I typed here and DRAGGED myself to AA and then came home and read your messages and popped popcorn for me and my youngest and watched a movie on the couch with him. That seems like progress when I write it down.

It's scary to feel this bad. T says feelings are information, not emergencies. T says "How you feel right now is NOT who you ARE".

I can't believe I told my H and my friend. And I just e-mailed a T I worked with last year for meditation instruction and told her. I don't know what I am doing. It's like the final frontier- I want to be seen and heard and believed and understood. I want to get mad at the people who hurt me and the people who turned a blind eye to some REALLY obvious stuff. Maybe I know that the people who love me will be mad FOR me? Maybe I need to see how someone besides T reacts. Maybe I want to see if anyone still loves me if they know how gross and dirty and disgusting I really am. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I'm not up to reading other threads right now, and I'm sorry, because I like to a supporter more than a supportEE. Hopefully, this too shall pass