maybe you feel this way because you haven't truly realized that you -can't- fix this all by yourself. you can't learn to trust others just by being by yourself and telling yourself to...you have to take baby steps... little by little. trusting others with superficial things and then graduating to larger things. i found i had to turn my manipulating skills inward to myself... i had to trick myself into doing things to help me. try to see if you can do that and if you want more info or help on how, PM me. or if you want to talk or anything, PM me. i know how it feels to want to be normal... i'm also pretty sure that i, personally, am never going to be it. perhaps it's time to think about what being "normal" entails... pick someone that you think is truly normal... think about them and their lives for awhile... and you'll see that normal really is just a different set of problems. take care. emotions are tricky things... i'm sorry yours are making things harder for you. (((((((((((hereiam))))))))))

-shadow