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I've been involved in an online relationship for a very long time now.
Although mine isn't quite as your situation is, I can contest that falling in love with someone without meeting is possible.

Your situation, however, is quite different. It isn't mutual. And it will not go much further than where YOU place it. That isn't healthy for you.

I have to admit that you aren't alone in the expectations, (as my mate encounters similar regarding us), that you do have regarding your male friend, despite the awareness that you have regarding his REAL lifestyle. It's those expectations of yours that will be your demise, (not only with what you have with your friend, but of yourself, as well).

My relationship has been going on so long now, that it has already long since met it's limitations (that which a distant relationship can provide). We've over-exceeded what the emotions can provide, and since have been having great difficulties out of desperation for what we are not obtaining from the physical we lack.
My mate has his personal issues as is. Our present situation, its exceeded limitations have created problems of its own accord, which then applies even more pressure (unnecessarily), but ones that are demanding, nonetheless.

He "expects" things out of our situation that simply cannot BE. And, despite of our efforts of creating what we've already exceeded, and realizing we cannot, only delivers further disappointment upon reaching that realization.
It's a vicious cycle, and a cycle that is leading to an inevitable demise....IF we cannot get past the fact that we have already over-exceeded what we can have as it IS, and accept those limits as they are...be satisfied with it as is until we can obtain the physical, then we will not survive this.

It sounds to me that you are seeking more in your situation than what IS. This will deliver you something that you are not seeking whatsoever, disappointment. I'd hate for that to happen for you.

You've mentioned that you've spoken with his wife, who is sweet and been supportive of you. Can you confide in her some, maybe?
If not, I suggest that you seek comfort in another avenue, as this one at present seems to have already met its end.

I hope this works out for you.
All the best.

Shangrala