Thanks, Jexa!

I am relieved at your perspective...I know that some healthy escape/recreation is healthy, so I figured that some of these things felt like real progress....especially since for most of the last 8 months, I have shut myself off from the world and have done absolutely nothing.

I used to be more of a risk-taker when I was a teenager...but a lot of that was driven by anger...

When I was thinking of doing some of these things most recently, I felt the desire to feel fear - a different kind of fear - that would distract me from my life...

And now, it's more a feeling of rage, which is why I am fearful that the direction I am going in may lead to more unhealthy types of risk-taking...

I will certainly raise this with T though so we can talk through this and maybe I'll get a better understanding of it all....