I know this is a hard month for a lot of us here. It's dark (on the northern hemisphere, anyway), there are holiday stressors and old triggers, and sometimes things just get messed up. I guess I just wanted to say I'm one those struggling right now. Ironically, it was my anniversary that brought me back here, hoping for support. It's hard to have a wedding anniversary that neither person feels like celebrating. I've done better than last year. At least I decorated for Christmas, in a minimal sort of way. Still, the lights on the tree started looking yellow instead of white last night, and the candle I'd lit went out on its own, the wick drowning in wax. A friend could it make it over due to weather. I'm getting over being sick. I didn't have any energy to fight against the waves of sadness that washed over me. Now my husband doesn't want to go to a friend's house we were planning on going to instead of celebrating our anniversary. So now I'm going without him, wondering just how mad he is at me (we fought the other day and he's still fuming underneath the surface, though he's trying to hide it).

I was doing soooo well this season up to this point. It's so frustrating to be taking a turn for the worse.