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BlueMoon6 · 08:08 PM

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Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

(((BlueMoon)))

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Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

Anger is something I've given a lot of thought to -- as a child it was not 'ok' to express my anger, so as an adult when it came out, it seemed very scary and uncontrollable.

Spotted owl, your response helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I was punished for expressing anger. Really punished. How could parents think this way? Its beyond my comprehension. Any emotion expressed strongly was not allowed in my house. They'd tell me, "Blue, stop talking, Blue, BE QUIET!" But anger especially.

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The first thing I always try to remind myself is that the anger is there for a reason. Anger is a protector, it is there to wake us up if we are in trouble, or to nudge us to make a change. So often, anger is put off as a 'bad' or 'negative' emotion, but if it is trying to keep us safe, how can we call it 'bad'?

I didnt know that or ever thought of anger that way. I kind of dont think of emotion that way at all. This might sound really dumb, but hgow does anger nudge us to change? Or keep us safe? I dont understand.

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Is it wrong for an abused woman to be angry at her abuser, or is that anger serving to give her the extra energy she needs to get out of a bad situation?

That I can understand, but as a childm what would anger be there for? To give information to the child's parents? And then the information is again invalidated and anger becomes rage? Resentment?

{quote]Anger, in that scenario is a gift -- because without the anger the woman might just stay in a damaging situation.[/quote]
I get this, for an adult. I never thought about anger that way. I can see it serving a purpose for a person with the mind of an adult, someone who can reason and understand, but what about a child? A very young child?
Im thinking how I soothe my children when they are angry or my 2yo has a tantrum. I sit by her, I lie down by her, I let her know Im there, sometmes she is soothed right away and sometimes she has to let the storm die down a bit before she accepts my hug. Maybe as an adult I just need someone to feel with me, to be there with me, not just witness. My 2 yo can tell if Im just sitting with her or feeling with her.

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It might be interesting to ask yourself what purpose your anger is serving?

I dont know. I cant imagine that there is a purpose. To point to my childhood rage is all I can come up with. Im lost here with this one.

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As for grounding, a few other suggestions:

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I know it sounds strange, but carry a few rocks in your pocket. Something small, any rock that you like. If you feel yourself getting too disconnected, rub the rock. Notice it is there, notice the weight of the rock.

Eat grounding foods. Think of food that is grown in the earth. Roasted sweet potatoes are some of my favorites. Red meat can also be grounding. Food that is comforting and filling is often grounding.
Take your shoes off. If it is warm enough, it feels great to walk outside without shoes and feel the earth on your feet. If not, just take them off in the house and notice how your feet connect to the floor. Place both feet firmly and flat on the floor and notice how it feels. (I find that when I'm ungrounded I will rarely stand with weight on both of my feet..often my body is standing in an unbalanced way. )

If you like plants, spend some time tending your indoor or outdoor plants. Just working with the soil can be very soothing.

These are really good suggestions. I am going to print this out. I like the idea of eating grounding foods, like crunchy salad. I noticed if I drink a cup of decaf coffee (which I dont do that often, I drink tea) it has a grounding effect on me. I had a good session once when I brought some with me.

I think feeling the carpet under my feel might be a good thing to do when I am triggered in the house by my kids....which I am now since my 5 yo WONT get into the bath...for the last 2 days and now again today. She isnt ususally like this, but I can feel something welling up inside me and I am not sure whether to force the issue or let it go, the girl needs a bath! Im feeling the carpet and will stay an adult not go into an 8 yo tantrum.
Wow...thanks Spotted....