Its hard to know what's right. We started dating when I was 13 I'll be 25 next month. We have two wonderful children together. For years he watched his step dad cheat on his mom. He always said he could never do that to anyone yet here I am. My self esteem has hit an all time low. I haven't self harmed in a year. I thought things where getting better for me. I thought things would be easier. I could understand if he said I'm still having urges but as said he has a hand. I feel emotionally drained. He works all weekend three 16 hour shifts I'm dreading Monday when he's home all day with me while the kids are at school. I'm thinking of hurting myself just to be put in hospital away from the pain of having to deal with it. I know I shouldn't. I promise for now I'll try to look for someone to talk to.