Hi BH- I have always thought of anger that way, too. Or depression as anger. That anger is something that masks other emotions. Is it? Or is it something as basic as fear or love?

It might be fear, but Im not connecting my anger to that yet. I did feel that I had no control as a child and I lived in an out of control environment. I had no control over the situation between my parents and being used as a pawn on against the other. Yes-it resurfaces when I feel out of control here in the house. And I get really triggered/angry. Maybe its fear.

Fear would not be the easy thing to feel when I imagine that things are out of control or my kids arent listening to me. It seems easier to go with anger. Anger is more of a reflex to me. Maybe I feel afraid that I dont know what to do and Im supposed to be in charge. In my house, no one was in charge, I was in charge of myself with no one to guide me. I remember feeling scared and alone about that, but not thinking it consciously, it never would have occurred to me to tell anyone that. I felt way overwhelmed with responsibility for myself and protecting my little brother.

Still, I cant exactly connect it to feeling fear when I feel things are out of control here in the house, or at least, it feels that way to me. When my kids are not listening to me for a moment doesnt really mean out of control. Sigh.....it just seems that way to me.