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lynn09 · Dec 13, 2009, 03:21 AM

(((((Berries))))) (((((Autumn01))))) (((((tonih))))) (((((idontknow13))))) (((((lonegael))))) (((((*freak*))))) (((((SweetieFuzzy))))) (((((Mini moo))))) ((((((TheByzantine))))) (((((dps)))))) (((((turquoisesea))))) (((((FeelingSad))))) (((((graciemi))))) (((((trevorzero)))))

I know I'm on vacation, but I saw your thread, Berries, and everything that everyone said here - and I had to respond. Like so many here, I never had a family - never bonded with my abusive parents and they taught my siblings to regard me as nothing more than worthless property to use and abuse as they willed, never got to finish college due to medical problems, was never able to conceive due to birth defects, have always battled with chronic pain due to neurological damage, immune-system disorder, insomnia, depression, etc., etc., etc. - and, like you all, I have grieved for what never was and what can never be.

But, after all these years I know that the life education I have received far exceeds what any university could ever teach me and has enabled me to help so many people throughout my life - enabled me to see their pain and recognize it - to empathize without judging or condemning - to be able to reach out to people who needed and wanted help so desperately, but did not know how or were afraid to ask for help. All of us have received highly specialized training and experience enabling us to help so many who would never have been reached had we not been there in the midst of it all and already knew the terrain.

Although we all have lost out on much of what is considered "normal" life (which is just about as valid a concept as a "utopia"), we have gained so much more in terms of experience, character, empathy, wisdom, compassion, mercy, tolerance, perseverance, understanding, acceptance, strength, and true courage as a result of our struggling to fully live despite our physical and/or mental infirmities. For me personally, I know that I appreciate more than most "normal" folk just how very precious every aspect and moment of this life truly is because I know precisely the high price I have to pay every day to have any part of it at all; and something I have to fight so hard for, I will not give up or allow anyone or anything to take from me easily.

You are not alone in grieving for what has never been and what can never be, Berries, and don't worry for a moment that any of us would think that you are just moaning "Woe is me." Your and our grief is all too valid - I would be much more disturbed if any of us were so callus that we did not grieve at all! But, far exceeding that grief is the sense that we are so very special because life has singled us out and demanded so much more of us than others - and here we all are in the trenches and on the battlefield day in and out fighting with all of our might not only to make an inch of progress, but all too often just to hold our present ground!

We, the infirm, the struggling, the damaged, the "walking wounded," are the heart and soul of mankind because without our suffering the rest of mankind would know nothing of compassion, mercy, or humility. Quite frankly, I am honored to be in the company of so many brave and courageous individuals as those found here in this PC family, each fighting for themselves, each other, and even those we do not know since whatever we experience and accomplish benefits all.

That's my 2 cents worth - I'm going back on vacation now. Hugs to all and see you after the holidays!lynn09