THANK YOU SO MUCH. It has helped so so much over the past couple of days to be able to come here and read these responses.

Some of you asked how H and my friend reacted. H said that he kind of "knew". I felt scared that he thought I was yucky, etc...and I made him kind of hang out with me for a while so I could see if he acted any different towards me, but I think everything is okay with him. I think I'm glad I told him. I didn't tell him ANY details - ages, what happened, who it was,etc....just that it happened. That's enough.

And my friend just responded with "I love you". Which turned out to be just the right response.

I think I am climbing out of the hole for now. Minime is right, I think. We DO have to feel these bad feelings as part of healing. It just sucks!

I am working on staying very very very present. Aromatherapy is helping...I have a burner going all the time, and when I feel myself not being present, I can focus on the smell and bring myself back to THIS moment.

I see T on Tuesday. Honestly, I'm scared to go...I don't want to go back to the scary dark place I know I don't *have* to.

I think right now, I'll just focus on being here, now, and worry about Tuesday on Tuesday.

Thank you SO MUCH for helping me.