boyfriend's been a little unsympathetic lately. his birthday is tomorrow, and he actually growled at me on the phone today when i called to ask him to take a look at me computer when he got home from work today because it has a virus. he told me that although both browsers crash immediately upon opening, and every single program (media player, photo editing software, et) i tried to use completely froze and even the mouse would not work (the pointer just stayed put on the screen) that he thought it was the battery backup and not a virus. when i listed the reasons i believed he was wrong, he snapped at me and said, "this is your only warning: my next phone call to you, you'd better be sweet and not be acting like this. tomorrow is my birthday..." i set the phone down after he said that, because i am tired of him threatening me. then i typed this note up in his word program on his computer:

try to be patient with me. i have had a very stressful month. i have dealt with the birth of my first grandchild, my son in federal prison, and my youngest daughter being treated like dirt because she was molested. i have heard you say before that these things that happen in my life are just little events that shouldn't affect me any more than the kind of things that cheryl or your mother or any other woman faces, but that is simply not so. i need someone who can be compassionate and understand that i am going through alot, not insist that i smile and behave as if nothing is wrong. please be that person for me. i know that i might not be a sparkling and happy person since i happen to be grieving over the horrible circumstances that surround my children, but i really am trying to appear happy. i think the reason i am so miserable is that i am constantly putting on a show for everyone, trying to make you all think that i am just fine, maybe a little sad, but otherwise okay. i am very far from okay. i need to be allowed to be sad and to grieve. i'm sorry that these things happened around your birthday, but i can't control when my son's sentencing hearings are set for, or when my oldest daughter would end up needing to be hospitalised for a month, or my youngest daughter getting thrown out of Mom's house for admitting that she was molested by her step-grandfather. i tried to tell you that i am going to be sensitive for a while. things that normally irritate me are going to irritate me alot more. i am trying to control my emotions, but i doubt anyone else would be able to appear even half as calm as i am if they were under the same circumstances. i am completely alone. i have no one to turn to and i am doing the very best i can to appear happy for you.