Hi to you,

Thanks so much for reading my thoughts here....I'm quite miserably depressed, searching for answers. I've been trying to figure out how to get out of this sudden dark hole I have fallen so far down into.

Over and over, I read you should reach out to others, talk to people, open up to a friend, etc. It makes so much sense. I truly long to have that kind of connection.

But it assumes a lot. I work two jobs, seven days a week, high profile jobs and so have many, many opportunities to connect with others. But yet I don't. Because the big irony is people often turn to me with problems. My nickname is sunshine/smiley. It comes natural to want to help, I like it.

So I'm not use to reaching out to others and, honestly, I don't think anyone really cares. At all. Most people are wrapped up in their own worlds. I don't mean that be self-pitying, I just really think that is a fact.

And here's the kicker...I'm so irritable. I've never been like this. I was always very mellow, laid back. But suddenly everything sets me off now. I don't want to talk to people, I don't want even to be around them. Hate to admit that, it makes me sound much more bitter than I want to but it's 100% where I'm at. I'm so lonely but also unable to express myself.

So I don't feel like I do have a voice because I don't think anyone really cares. It's kinda like the tree falling in the forest analogy. If you speak but no one listens, did you really speak??? I mean, even if I did find someone who cares, I don't know how to express myself right now without coming across as snippy and unpleasant. So I want to connect but my depression is this wall that won't let me.

Anyway, what a mess. Thanks much for listening. Any thoughts/wisdom/nudges would be a huge, huge help.

Patty