Ummm....A "little" unsympathetic?

"he snapped at me and said, "this is your only warning: my next phone call to you, you'd better be sweet and not be acting like this. tomorrow is my birthday..."

....Warning?...Better?
I'm sorry, but this guy's a jerk. Sounds completely selfish, uncaring and quite abusive.
Boo hoo! So what if his birthday is soon to follow. Good God, girl. You are going through ALOT, and he cannot provide you the least bit of consideration, let alone compassion?
He reminds me of my ex. Verbally abusive and the least bit concerned for anything I may have been going through.

Do you really think that a mere note to him is going to change anything? Sounds to me that all he expects is to have his cake AND eat it, too, (no pun intended).
The struggles you are experiencing should not have to be dealt with alone. He is your partner and should support you through this. Not toss your feelings aside because you are nothing more than an inconvenience to him.

Put a firecracker in a cupcake for him to blow on. "Happy birthday, baby!!"

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is so unnecessary and unfair to you. Is there anyone else who you can go to for the support you so obviously need? If so, take that up. Sounds as though you wont be getting it from him.
Dang!

I hope the best for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your son and daughters. Many

Shangrala