I feel so so sad. I've tried really hard all weekend to push how I'm feeling away and keep busy. While keeping busy and distracting can be helpful, I know that pushing how I feel away isn't helpful. When I push the feelings away they eventually come to the surface and feel even more overwhelming. I'm quite tearful, I don't want to harm myself or anything. But I feel like I'm just about to crumble into a heap, I can't really bawl and cry just now as my 6 year old nephew is staying over and he's sleeping. I'm upset about the confrontation I had with my mum this week after telling her I wouldn't be spending Christmas with her and my step dad. I posted about this on the abuse part of the board. There's a few other things going on in my group therapy. I seem to get worse when I can't control things, I'm not sure how to teach myself not to get like this. I know I can't control everything. I guess I need to keep talking about this in therapy.

I don't know if its ok to post this here, (I'm so unsure of most of the things I do) Anyway I just wanted to write this somewhere. I'm hoping I can go to bed and will be able to sleep soon.

x x x x