This thread has gotten me thinking about my own anger and what purpose it serves. ...A couple weeks ago I lost my temper with H, and it is still haunting me because it seemed almost beyond my control. One moment I was fine, and the next I was overwhelmed with anger. I was able to calm down, but that anger stayed with me for days.

I sometimes personify my emotions to consider what purpose they might have, but I had never before considered what Anger might look like. I see a strong woman in a red almost flame-like dress, with a staff, standing firmly, like she is saying 'you shall not pass'. (Forgive the lord of the rings reference )

I got mad at H because I felt he was saying my feelings were stupid/How I felt was unimportant. That anger was 'protecting' my own image of myself as a lovable person.

Then, Brightheart's comment about her husband "H lashes out in anger whenever he feels he's lost control of a situation, whenever he feels hurt or whenever he feels incompetent." Brightheart's H is *also* using anger to protect his image of being a lovable person.

And, BlueMoon's solution to bath time -- a brilliant solution that met her daughter's needs to feel lovable and worthy.

Anger does give us energy and the ability to act, but in thinking about it, anger also serves as a protector of our own worth. What if the next time someone gets angry with us, we tell them 'I love you and think you are an amazing person.'...I wonder how quickly that anger might go away if we responded with acceptance.

If I can remain present enough, I will try to do that for myself the next time I get angry. Thank you for posting, it is helping me to find another bit of acceptance for my own anger. (Forgive the ramble, but I wanted to share how my thought process was influenced by your words.)