(((((((((((((((TREEHOUSE))))))))))))))))))))))
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Originally Posted by treehouse
You are all so nice. It feels impossible to make it through this. But I will.
Thanks for the reminders to be gentle with me. In the past, if I felt even REMOTELY like this, I would cut or binge/purge or drink or take pills or do WHATEVER IT TOOK to change how I felt. Tonight I typed here and DRAGGED myself to AA and then came home and read your messages and popped popcorn for me and my youngest and watched a movie on the couch with him. That seems like progress when I write it down.
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I think of unhealthy things to do when I feel upset from time to time, but I resist them. Yes, even me. Even though I am not an addict and am not a self harmer and am do not have an EDO...And what's more is that I have extremely easy access to the things that I resist when those thoughts cross my mind. Like T says---"FEELINGS ARE INFORMATION, NOT EMERGENCIES". Damn snookie.
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It's scary to feel this bad. T says feelings are information, not emergencies. T says "How you feel right now is NOT who you ARE".
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Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. All true. And pretty damn normal.
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I can't believe I told my H and my friend. And I just e-mailed a T I worked with last year for meditation instruction and told her. I don't know what I am doing. It's like the final frontier- I want to be seen and heard and believed and understood. I want to get mad at the people who hurt me and the people who turned a blind eye to some REALLY obvious stuff.
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Maybe I know that the people who love me will be mad FOR me? Maybe I need to see how someone besides T reacts. Maybe I want to see if anyone still loves me if they know how gross and dirty and disgusting I really am. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
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Your T is a normal person, and pretty much mirrors what people in the "real world" who are not severely dysfunctional think about the horror of all types of abuse across the spectrum. Believe me, people are pissed! Those that are not are in denial and as such are dysfunctional.
I'm one of the pissed ones
. But but but... I don't let it consume me.
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I'm not up to reading other threads right now, and I'm sorry, because I like to a supporter more than a supportEE. Hopefully, this too shall pass
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Always does pass, and if dealt with in positive ways, leaves us a little bit stronger than before. This is a slow process, so be patient with yourself if you don't see instant magical changes in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors right away...
SAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM