Yesterday she and I had a long talk. I asked her to com see me. She said she wouldn't promise anything but we set up a time. i live an hour away. she said she would call to confirm by morning. Well after that my best friend I went out later on last night. he pretty much cursed me out about her. He said that I am definately not the same person as I was. And I am not. I have gone way down and feel drained. I ended up drinking alot the day after Sweetest day (a michigan holiday like Valentines day) and I got caught driving while drunk. This is my 2nd offense. So now i'm in trouble for allowing myself to think about her drinking because of my depressed state and getting behind the wheel of a car. Well, my friend told me that I gave her my soul. Well almost. I should've never done that but she fought for it. I should've never gave in. Now i'm in trouble. And guess what, she isn't going to be there when I have to go to court and suffer through this. Well needless to say she called this morning crying. She told me she spoke with her sister and her sister told her that she didn't see anything wrong with her coming to visit but to be careful. Finally she told me that she was not coming. She asked if I was mad and I told her no and not to expect me to beg her to come either. She said she's not expecting that. After that I told her about my long talk with my friend she said well he tried to hit on me! I said it really doesn't matter because i gave you my everything and I shouldn't have. She said your not supposed to. then she started trying to argue i told her that I wasn't going to. So she ended up hanging up. She called back and I told her not to call again. She started cryingand we hung up. I am really hurt about it right now but I'm not going to drink again over her. I've had enough. But i don't know how to let go. Today we were supposed to pick up my son and spend a few hours together talking. So I ended up doing it myself. She always told him to call her Nanni. And after all this started he started talking. She's never heard him even say Daddy. I took some photo's with my digital camera like I always do and I took some short video shots of him saying "Hi Nanni". When I told him to say it, he kissed the camera after saying it. Whew! I thought that was strange. But i emailed it to her. In the email I wrote I told her that I know she isn't scared of me. she just wanted to have her cake and eat it too. And that i could not understand how she could say I am the Love of her life but she doesn't want me to call her at home. and the other guy is still calling and she is still calling him. They are not seeing eachother any longer as far as i know because he has a girlfriend. But still. I am going to miss the woman I fell in Love with but she is nolonger that woman. It is so hard to let go. I don't know how to but I cannot drink over this.