Oh, blue. I can empathasize with what you are feeling. I am SO afraid of feeling, and esp related to my mom. I just had this thing happen this past weekend where I was at a party and one of my friends casually was playing with my hair (its curly) for a few seconds. Those few seconds were GLORIOUS. Like someone who has been walking in a desert for days and manages to catch a drink of water for a few seconds.

All day yesterday I kept thinking about that and it reminded me of when I was young, I used to sit on my Poppa's lap (dad's dad) and he would play with my hair. I would sit transfixed, and could have stayed that way for hours. It also reminded me of a time over the summer where I saw a mom playing with her son's hair while she was waiitng for me to ring her up. It hit me in the gut and almost made me start bawling and I couldn't really understand why.

On one hand this seems such a silly thing to ruminate over, and on the other, it makes me sad deep down, and THAT scares me.