I am all upset from a phone call today, working to calm myself down. A guy I knew 25 some years ago suddenly out of the blue called me, we've not been in touch all this time, I had no desire to be. Maybe cause of fatigue and even shock, I found myself during phone call feeling as if I was back in those times, believing that everything he said was true, and that my truth isn't real.

25 years no contact, but he felt fully comfortable in the call telling me that I am not really sick (I am), that my diagnosis is not real (they are), that I need to just apply will power and get moving, that I should do certain jobs and make money and buy a house. Implied being that I am bad and lazy if I don't do all these things.

Our past relationship wasn't good. I was a teenager, traumatized by a really rough childhood, he was older than I and in charge.

This man in the phone call told me all about his life, didn't ask about mine other than to put me down, and believes that we now are friends and that I'll visit he and his wife. Stay at their house.

I found myself feeling defensive, needing to say "I'm doing the best I can." often.

Yuck. I felt a big ol' mood plummet after. Talked it through with a friend and realized that I feel slimed. Time to take back my own power. I am the expert on myself, on my experience, he doesn't know anything about me.

I'm disabled, not working, low income, don't own my own house. But I am still a good, worthy person. No matter what this guy thinks.

Sarah