You think too much. I say that in jest, but there is some truth in it. You're over-thinking. Go down to one session a week if you are doing more. Maybe that will help you try your wings, so to speak, but still have the support you need from therapy. Your over-thinking is probably what is leading to all your ruptures. No one can stand up to that much scrutiny. Try to chill out a bit about therapy. Cutting back on your visits might help. I don't know. Talk it over with your t. Maybe just print off your initial post here and let him read it. It certainly does a pretty good job of showing all your conflicting feelings.