How long does grieving take. I lost my brother April 20th and may 2nd my brother in law to suicide. I am not able to grieve. I am not sure why part of it with my brother he was an abuser growing up. The other one this suicide is made so much hard seeing his baby. This is on top of everything else. There are days I feel like it should have been me both my brother and brother in law both have 3 kids of they're own, while I have nothing. Its a lot easier to think if it was me I wouldn't be hurting my children since I have none. These are thoughts I cant shake. My brother being abusive I feel like he does not deserve my grief. But I also know I need to grieve him to be able to move on.