Sorry Im late to this thread, Tree

When I read it I SO thought that Id feel the same way. Of course, I dont believe you should quit therapy or find another T. And I agree that when the the feelings get so strong and so painful and feel SO unmanageable that leaving or a break seems like the only option.

I think you are a very intuitive person and if you think that there is some countertransference going on, and you know it has happened in the past, then there probably is. I am NOT going to discount that he could possibly be not wanting to go there (csa) with you again and see you in pain. He does love you. He is a therapist, he is a professional, but you two have a close bond and it could just possibly be that he hurts watching you hurt. I would not say that you are overthinking anything.

The solution is to talk ALL of this out with T tomorrow. You and he both know the pattern of doing difficult work and then having ruptures. Sigh.....I would say...follow t's lead to get through the rupture. He has set a wonderful example of how to resolve a conflict without blame and pointing fingers. What an important life lesson he knows you and your story and how to help you. I cannot imagine you with another T. But I can see how your mind would go there with so much confusion about what might be going on in your mind (obsessing) and in his.

I love you Post in the morning before your 4:00 appointment