{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tomi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't know why I told you all that. For me, that was what it took to break out of the pattern I was in. I was stuck, and for two months the only thing I ever thought about was suicide. I wasn't in therapy and didn't tell anyone who was close enough to do anything about it. I don't recommend what I did, but for me it worked. It really shocked people, especially my husband - he was really hurt and I will always feel horrible about hurting him like that. Two hours in jail being watched so that I couldn't do any further damage really wasn't fun either, but it scared me enough to break out of it and start getting better. I really am doing pretty good now. Probably better than at any time in my whole life. My T says I'm doing really good too. It also helped to find a goal (going back to school) and to believe that I could do something worthwhile. Losing my goal would instantly put me right back there again. I've given up once or twice and that was what happened (the depression - I didn't hurt myself like that again). That's why not doing as well as I would like on tests scares me so much.

I hope that reading about that day in February doesn't upset anyone here too much. I should have put "trigger" on that but didn't think about it. I didn't even expect that I was going to get into that story. It's been trying to get out for a while though. I really hope that everyone's okay and that nobody has been damaged by my confession. If it is a problem for any of you, I am so sorry. And it's fine if you don't understand. I know that some of you do understand.

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>